I'm sorry! I know I just wrote a review on this episode, but this alternative ending I came up with is just too awesome! I swear I won't write another post on this after this one.
[The softball playoffs. The family and Bobby are there to support Lynn. The squirrel mascot is dancing a little less energetic than usual.]
Lola: "What's with that squirrel today? His choreography is so dated."
Mascot: [in a familiar voice] "Hey, man! You try dancing in this heat!"
[It's revealed to be Lincoln in the runabout costume]
Lincoln: "My plan is simple: I watch the game in disguise, and when the Squirrels win, everyone will see I'm not bad luck."
[Chester Bennington grabs Lincoln by the neck and pulls him into the bleachers]
Chester: "No, Lincoln, no! You're family's just gonna make you wear that suit wherever you go with them for the next few days!"
Lincoln: [star struck, gasps] "OH MY GOD, IT'S LINKIN PARK-"
Mike Shinoda: "Shut up, bro. Your family's gonna hear us and kick you out! And then we can't help you."
Lincoln: "Sorry, such a huge fan! My sister, Lucy, is super into you guys, so I've learned to deal with it, and, to say the least, I don't mind it so much. Wait, you guys, help me?"
Brad Delson: "Yeah. We were in town to promote our new song, "Heavy," and we were asked to perform at the closing of this game. Your boy, Clyde, told us what's been going on with you, and we want to help you get out of this."
Lincoln: "Awesome! Thank you guys so much! But, Chester, how'd you know that's what my family would make me do-"
Chester: "Clyde told us a little bit about your sisters."
Lincoln: "Oh, well, that explains it."
Rob Bourdon: "OK, Lincoln. We'll help you out, as long as you promise not to lie anymore. As you can probably tell, this one did not end well for you."
Lincoln: "I know. I've totally learned my lesson."
Dave "Phoenix" Farrell: "Yeah, sounds like you've gone through enough. Don't worry, dude. We'll get you out of this. So, here's the plan. Mike?"
Mike: "Yes. So, Lincoln, our DJ, Joe Hahn, is on vacation with his family right now, so we were hoping you could fill in for him."
Brad: "So, we're gonna perform "Crawling." You know that one, right?"
Lincoln: "Know it? I listen to it at least five times a day! More or less because of Lucy, though."
Rob: "Excellent! So, we need you to fill in for Joe today. We've got a set of turntables and everything!"
Chester: "And once your family sees how good you are at it, you're good luck again in their eyes! We'll even throw in a keyboard solo for you to ensure it!"
Lincoln: "Sounds awesome, guys! Just two problems. 1) I can't play the keyboard, and 2) only two of my 10 sisters are fans of your music."
Phoenix: "1) Just try it, and if all else fails, we'll just bribe those two sisters of yours with free tickets to one of our performances this week, and 2) even better! Now you have a chance to be so good that those eight other sisters will find our music tolerable for once!"
Lincoln: "Eh, what the heck? What to lose at this point?"
Chester: "That's the spirit, kid! Now hurry, game's almost over. Almost time for our performance!"
Baseball Announcer: "Talk about bad luck. Everything is going wrong with the Squirrels today. What do you think, Pep?"
Pep: [downright bored] "I think I've wasted my life."
Baseball Announcer: "Just look at our poor squirrels!"
[Margo takes a swing and flings herself into the umpire and the bat hits her helmet. Two more squirrels collide into each other and miss the catch. One Squirrel tosses the bat right at Lincoln by accident. Lynn pitches and the opposing batter hits the ball right back her, knocking her socks, shoes, and hat off and making her spin in mid-air before landing on the ground.]
Baseball Announcer: "Yowza." [shows the score: Hazeltuck Lions: 3, Royal Woods Squirrels: nothing.] "Two outs in the bottom of the ninth, and the bases are loaded. Lynn Loud steps up to the plate, but with the luck she's been having today, the Squirrels are looking a whole lot like roadkill."
Luna: "Way harsh, dude!"
Baseball Announcer: "I think you're rubbing off on me, Pep."
Pep: [dully] "Oh, I have that effect on people."
Baseball Announcer: "The windup, the pitch."
[Lynn swings and misses.]
Umpire: "Strike one!"
Lincoln: [scared] "Lynn's right. I am bad luck."
[Lynn swings and misses again.]
Umpire: "Strike two!"
Lincoln: "Maybe I can move into Lisa's fallout shelter. Lead walls will keep my bad luck from affecting anyone."
Baseball Announcer: "And the pitch!"
[The sound of the ball getting hit by the bat is heard and the rest of Lynn's team runs the remaining bases.]
Baseball Announcer: "It's going...it's going...IT'S GONE!!! LYNN LOUD HITS A GRAND SLAM!!! SQUIRRELS WIN! SQUIRRELS WIN!"
[The family and Bobby cheer for Lynn as she makes her run around the field.]
Baseball Announcer: [clinging to Pep] "SQUIRRELS WIN! SQUIRRELS WIN!" [knocks Pep down]
[Lynn finishes her run and gets picked up by her family in celebration of her victory.]
Family: "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ROCKED IT, LYNN-SANITY!"
Baseball Announcer: "Speaking of rocking it, Royal Woods, please welcome Linkin Park to the stage for our closing performance!"
[The crowd applauds, while the Loud family, minus Lynn and Lucy, groans.]
Lori: "Why does everybody like these guys? They literally just scream and rap about how hard their life is!"
Luna: "Then they sold out with their new song. Never even liked 'em to begin with."
Luan: "You know a rock band has failed when they can't even get Luna's approval."
Lynn & Lucy: "Greatest. Band. Ever!"
Bobby: "Really, Lynn? I'd expect this from Lucy, but you too?"
Lynn: "I've learned a few things from sharing a room with her, and, well, these guys aren't half bad."
Crowd: [chanting] "Linkin Park! Linkin Park! Linkin Park!"
Chester: "Hello, Royal Woods!" [applause] "We regret to inform you that our very own Joe Hahn is not here today. So, filling in for him, we've got Royal Woods' very own Lincoln Loud!"
[The crowd cheers, the Loud family gasps in shock]
Lynn: "No! He'll ruin it for them!"
Rita: "Even worse than they already were!"
Chester: "OK, if you know the words to this song, sing along!"
[Lincoln starts song off with turntables and keyboards.]
Lucy: "He's actually doing pretty good."
Lynn: [nerviously] "Yeah, decent enough. Not as good as Hahn, though."
Chester: [singing, while the rest of the band plays their instruments] "Crawling in my skin! These wounds, they will not heal!"
[song progresses]
Chester: [singing] "I've felt this way before. So insecure!" [speaking] "Lincoln Loud on keyboards everybody!"
[Lincoln plays a killer keyboard riff while Mike and Brad join him on guitar.]
Lynn: "Man, I totally messed up! Lincoln is not bad luck, he's AWESOME luck!"
Luna: "You know what, bro, this is actually good!"
Lynn Sr.: "Wow! Lincoln actually made Linkin Park not suck!"
Lynn: "You know what? Screw Hahn! LINCOLN RULES!"
Family: [chanting] "NOT BAD LUCK! NOT BACK LUCK! NOT BACK LUCK!"
Lynn: "Lincoln! You're awesome! You're even better than Hahn! I'm really sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."
Lincoln: [by this point, it's turned into a guitar solo] "It's cool, Lynn."
Family: "We're so sorry, too."
Lincoln: "So am I. I never should have lied to you guys."
Lynn Sr.: "And we should never have locked you out of the house."
Rita: "Or sold your furniture."
Lincoln: [shocked] "Wait. What?"
Leni: "You want to come with us to the beach with us tomorrow, Linky?"
Lincoln: "Yes! Alright, what's the catch?"
Lynn Sr.: "No catch! You've proved to us you can make anything tolerable!"
Lincoln: "Then let's do it! Chester, you guys wanna come with us?"
Chester: "Sure, we got no plans until after tomorrow!"
Lincoln: "WOO-HOO!"
[Chester sings the rest of the song while the crowd and the family sing along.]
[The song ends, the crowd cheers, and the family picks Lincoln up.]
Crowd, Family, & Linkin Park: [chanting] "Lincoln! Lincoln! Lincoln!"
Chester: "Thank you, Royal Woods, so much! We'll catch you later this week!"
[The beach]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Well, I can say I'm doing awesome! My family thinks I'm good luck again, and we get to spend the day at the beach with Linkin Park!"
[The family is having fun in the water with Linkin Park.]
Well, that's my ending! Hope you liked it! #RIPChester, you will always be my idol!
